Suicide
by hex4292
Summary: Harry Potters suicide note. Complete unless good feedback, then I'll try and write a sequel.


To whom it may concern,  
Ha, I think that's a laugh in itself. Who'll honestly care that I die? And I mean me dying, not the-boy-who-lived, not the Chosen One, not the slayer of Voldemort, me. Harry Potter. The scared little boy who spent years in an abusive family, then found out he was famous for his parents dying and was gawked at everywhere he went. Who was chased by a murderous psychopath, on the word of some batty woman and a memory. Who had to watch as friend after friend died trying to protect him. Who was forced to fight, because he knew that no-one else would. Who had to become a murderer to protect the people he loved. No. No-one will miss him.

I'm tired. Tired of trying to push forward with nothing but misery, blackening his soul. I think my life's been like climbing a mountain. You push and push towards that final goal, that end, that.....feeling. You want it so badly it hurts. Then, when you get to the top, it's breathtaking. You've done it, and you feel like you're on top of the World. Then it hits you, you have to go back down, down to the way you were before. You've prepared for it but it doesn't really hit you until you're there, looking at the way back down. See, that's the difference, I didn't have a before. The only thing I knew before Voldemort was a cuboard under the stairs and a life devoid of any emotion other than pain and fear. Only four people ever accepted me fully. For me, not what I've done or what I can do, for the person I am. And I killed two of them. Through my own stupidity I killed the first true father-figure I had. I killed Sirius. If I'd have stopped and thought, even for a second, I could've saved him. If I'd have gone to Snape, or used the mirror he gave me, but no, not me, I ran in blindly. I killed him, and it tears me up inside.

Next is someone who actually had life going somewhere. He had a wife, someone that was devoted to him completely. A son, who'll now grow up without any parents, because of me. As if his life wasn't hard enough as it was, having me in it sealed Remus' fate, being a werewolf was nothing compared to me. His life was starting to pick up after the last time I ruined it... with my birth.

Ron, Hermione, I guess all I can say is goodbye. You'll get over my death pretty quick, no more near-death experiences will help, plus, you have each other now. I'm happy for you, truly I am. You both deserve each other and I hope you have a wonderful life together. I feel I can say that because I know you'll go the distace, I can see it in your eyes. Ron, look after her, take it from me, you'll regret it if you don't. Hermione, just put up with him, it's all I can really say. Neither of you mourn me, after the amount of times I should've died it'll be a relief to finally go.

Being honest I can't think of anyone who was better off with my existence. My parents would still be alive, happy with their closest friends all around them. Sirus and Remus would still be messing about with my Dad. The Weasley family would've never have to look after me, and put themselves at risk in the process. Never would've lost their son. Dumbledore would've never had to look after me......would've never had to get himself tainted, simply by being in the presence of one so like his enemy.

I don't know how Dumbledore coped, after defeating Grindewald. With the knowledge that you can never have any type of Soul-mate in your life. I've seen too much to have such trivialities. My mind doesn't work that way anymore, I wish it did, but I know it can't. The everlasting pain doesn't allow it. The TAINT doesn't allow it.

My life can never be the one way I want it. Normal. No matter what I do I can't get away from my past, good or bad. It's all I ever wanted, to be normal, but I guess that's too much to ask. It's too much to ask for a normal upbringing, normal problems and a normal life. All I can really say to everyone who's helped me, is Thank-You. It isn't enough but I hope you'll accept it anyway. I've got to say goodbye to some other people. Hagrid, never change. I'm leaving you some money, I hope you use it to get some more dangerous creatures. Maybe you could get a Nundu this time, I think you'd like one of them. Professor McGonagall, keep Hogwarts going strong. I don't want to hear the new generation of Wizards learning lies about me either, make sure they know the truth about my bumbling Hogwarts escapades. Neville, you're much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You hold the true heart of a Gryffindor, never forget it. Luna, I don't really know what to say to you other than, stay sharp, and find some Crumple-Horned Snorkacks. Ginny just....just look after yourself.

I can't take life anymore. I've hurt too many people to, in all good conscience, stay alive......But do you want to know what really hurts? What makes all this so much worse?....That they'd all do it again. That Remus and Sirius died the way they wanted, protecting me. That Ron and Hermione never regreted going with me into the Jaws of Hell. That the Weasleys were happy to adopt me into their family.  
That my parents willingly gave their lives, trying to help me stay alive.

My whole life has been pain and suffering, and now it's time for it to end.....Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get to see my parents. Maybe I'll get to see Sirius and Remus. Or...Or maybe they'll get lucky and I'll never darken their lives. Maybe I'll just drift forever, happy with the knowledge that I can't hurt anyone, anymore.

Goodbye Everyone, I'll Never Get In The Way Of Any Of Your Happiness Ever Again.

Harry James Potter

Three days later Magical Law Enforcement arrived at Harry Potters flat. They discovered the saviour of the Wizarding World, hanging from a the ceiling, a noose around his neck. Healers were called to the scene immedietly, but it was clear had been dead for some 48 hours......The boy who lived, has died.

A/N I wrote this when I was in a particularly depressed mood. I can't even remember why I was now, it was quite a while ago I wrote it and didn't think it was very good. But what the hell, if no-one likes it, tell me. Any and all reviews are welcome, and if this does well I might write a sequel. Maybe Harrys funeral....


End file.
